Bullies & Bullying - A Lesson in Empathy
"The memory of those days, the faces and the names, will always remain with me, as they remain with every adult who was victimized as a child ." Richard Lindberg
Bullies & Bullying - A Lesson in Empathy : Probably the most powerful lesson that I taught all year in my classroom. It was rare that we would reach the end of the period without having more than one student (and teacher) in tears. You have to know your class - you have to know your students and you have to be comfortable talking about these things. Before you decide to do this lesson - read the article by Richard Lindberg (the starting point of this lesson), read over the lesson notes and make it (as I hope you do with every lesson) your own. That said, I do believe that lesson was (beyond being the most powerful) also the most necessary - and it was the one that students were the most grateful for - both at the end of the period and at the end of the year - and in some cases, years later when they would come see me and talk about this singular, personal, lesson that we did.
The lesson starts by having students read aloud - taking turns (see my page on reading aloud in class) the article "A Survivor Looks back and asks 'why'" by Richard Lindberg. The students are instructed - while the reading is happening - to write down any comments or questions they have - being as specific as possible. Their thoughts on the article - their thoughts on bullying. When we finish reading the article - the teacher facillitates a discussion. The students - often shy at first - become more and more forthcoming. In the lesson description you will find some of the questions that I ask - but I always let the students speak their mind on whatever aspect of this discussion they want to. I also allow them to tell their own stories of being bullied (or bullying) and I share some of mine (on both counts).
When the class is over - I feel that we have all have been transformed. We know each other in a way we didn't before - and we trust each other in ways that would have seemed impossible the day before.
Lesson Overview
Reading the Article
When the students come in I hand them a newspaper article by Richard Lindberg (found below) and when the bell rings I tell them that
1) We are going to read the article aloud in the way we usually read things aloud in class. We start on one side of the classroom, and go down each row, everyone reading a paragraph.
2) I tell them to take notes are as we are reading - on: the article, their thoughts, ideas about bullying, their own personal experience (these notes are only for them - I tell them I will not see them and they will only share what they want to share).
The Discussion
I always begin by asking about the article - what did they "think" about what happened? What did happen?
Then, I allow the discussion to move to the students own experiences - being very mindful to hear from everyone in the class - something I never do - but do today. Keep track as well as you can - but also ask "Who haven't I heard from?"
As the teacher you may need to prod them - help them - faciliate their stories, their experiences, their ideas. Here are some questions that I've found useful over the many years that I've done this lesson:
What is bullying?
Does it happen at our school?
I go into specific "rituals" or "hazing" that I know about (at our school it was throwing pennies at the freshmen) and asking if that is bullying? - and try them to get to see how it most definitely is! (having had crying freshman in my room after this hazing.
Do some people underestimate the impact of bullying?
What can we do to stop or slow down bullying? Can we do anything? Teachers? Students? Parents?
I tell them about overhearing a mother complaining on the phone (while I was at a store) about her kid getting suspended for bullying - and she told her friend that kids need to "toughen up".
Does confronting bullies or talking to their parents help or hurt?
The Importance of a warm, safe classroom - a refuge where people can say what's on their mind. (this is also a way of reassuring them that what they say today will not go beyond the classroom - though I often explicetly state this as well.
I recount the times that I, as a child - as a student - was bullied. And I also tell the times that I feel I was a bully.
THIS GREAT QUESTION (that initially came from a student): "If you were a parent - would you rather your child was bullied or a bully?" - talking about this could take an entire period.
Talk about cyber bullying. Why not just turn off the computer? (it is NOT that easy)
What can we do? More discussion like this. More integrating it into the curriculum (even better).
Getting students the care they need
As I said at the outset of this lesson - what happens in your class today requires a great deal of thought and care. Given that you will hear some very emotional and fraught stories - you need to make sure that students are referred to their counselor or social worker as needed. For the less worrisome stories and students - they may need someone to talk to that day - even if they just listened.
A Letter from Richard Lindberg
About 10 years into teaching this lesson, I decided to write a letter to Richard Lindberg, the author of the article that is at the center of this lesson. I told him how much his article meant to hundreds of students - and how many lives had been made better. I told him his friend's life - and his writing about it - did have an effect for the better on the world. Given the nature of teaching - after sharing Mr. Lindberg's response with my students for a number of years - I lost it. But, I found it - in my final year of teaching and I shared it with my students - and I hope (if it is still found) that I will share it with you.
"A survivor looks back and asks 'why'"
The Article: "A survivor looks back and asks 'why'" by Richard Lindberg PDF
There is something in this article - perhaps its honesty or its simplicity, but simply something - something that opens up in students a torrent of their own experiences with bullying. As a teacher you will have to know your students well before you read it together - it does talk about suicide - and it talks about enduring pain.
But the article is in no way bleak or dire - it has always given students (and me) a sense of hope. A sense of moving forward. Like Paul Baumer in All Quiet on the Western Front - after reading this we come to believe that there must be SOMETHING that we can do. And having the discussion today - is a very good first step.
Remote Enhancements
I actually did this remotely and I do believe it held the classes attention. When you are not in person - it becomes more difficult to have the kind of intimate and emotional exchange that can occur in person - but nonetheless it was a powerful remote lesson.
"The Truth" - a poem gone over solo, then partners, and then the class: A deceptively simple lesson. There is a single poem - "The Truth", written by American poet Randall Jarrell about a small boy who survives a horrific bombing during the London Blitz of World War 2. In this lesson, the students will first work by themselves trying to figure out what the poem is about. Then they will have the same amount of time to work with a partner - throw ideas around - see what each of them came up with. Finally - we will go over it as a class.
WHAT CAME BEFORE:
"The Jewish Giant" - a radio documentary and student response
Thoughts on the Lesson
It is difficult to share my own experiences of being bullied and those times that I felt I bullied as well. I regret that bullying to this very day and not a day goes by that I don't think about it at least once. Perhaps this lesson is one simple way to try to make amends - but I must say, for me the very tough question about would you rather your child be a bully or be bullied is an easy one: to be bullied says nothing about you - and though you live with the pain, it is not the crushing pain of guilt.